Exhaustion

I am sooooo tired from the last few months.

I got a phone call this morning from Avis questioning my flight details for tomorrow. I insisted they were correct but when I checked the paper work I found I had accidently booked a flight for this afternoon!! And no I'm not ready to go today. Tonight I have to feed a swarm of people and tomorrow I have to get the dog and the daughter ready for a week without me.

My head is not attached to any functioning part of my body at the moment. This week I've just barely been able to function so I had to right-off todays flight and re-book and pay for tomorrow. I hope the rest of my holiday doesn't hold any further problems.

Sunday Afternoon

BYRON BAY HERE I COME
It's raining here in Sydney, the perfect day to do some making. I have a plain skirt I'm attempting to sketch on with my sewing machine - not a great success but fun. I've had a lovely weekend hanging out with girlfriends.



Yesterday I spent hours with a friend who recently lost her son. I don't think I'd ever get over that and she doesn't think she will either but crying and remembering him seems to help. We laughed at his funny ways and both cried into our cups of tea. The hours fly past when you're in intimate moments with friends.



I truly love the women in my life at the moment. Some have been around for years and others for only the last 3 or 4 but they are all special to me. My lovely friend Lou has been chosen as a finalist in the Woollahra Small Sculpture Prize from amongst an international field of artists. I'm sooo proud of her and her work.



I'm off to Byron Bay next sunday for a week of R&R. And boy do I need it. I love Byron - the pace of life, the restaurants and cafes, the beach, the weather, the scenery, just about everything. I can't wait.

The Toy Society

This is one of the greatest things I have seen in a long time. The Toy Society started as street art here in Australia and as you'll see from the posts people are sending their handmade bundles of love off into the world in places as far flung as The Netherlands, South Australia and the US. I might have to join in!!

New work for me

I had a beautiful comment from ODD IMAGINATION whose work I really admire. So I'm posting some of the paintings I've been doing to help relieve the stress I've been under over the last few weeks. Just wildly slapping on paint without a care about the outcome has been a great relief from the more intricate work I've done in the last ten years. I've always been one to carefully put the pieces together (see the mosaics in an earlier post) or more recently in my silverwork. So this period has freed me up to throw materials around and enjoy the process. So here goes...........

Not the best photos but I only have a camera on my phone at the moment and couldn't control the glare etc..





I'm going to try to get some photos of the brooches I've been making lately too. Recycled materials including shopping bags, old lace and feathers!!





My creative life has really kept me sane over the last couple of months while my daughter and I dealt with this.........
Sorry if you've got a weak stomach, this is my daughters femur and the rod is opening the gap in her bone that you can see on the xray. Amazing technology. And as I said before we have lengthened that gap to 5cm (2.5 inches) in about 38 days. But the worst is over and she should be walking within a month. Relief. So this friday I'm off for a massage followed by a facial and a few other grooming indulgences before a big night out with 800 or so friends (and strangers!!) What a treat.

Busy busy

This last 7-8 weeks has been a challenge and a blessing in disguise. Over this time my daughter, me, the doctors at the Children's Hospital and all the staff out there have managed to correct her leg defect and increase it's length by 5cms. It has involved a lot of pain, a lot of drugs, a lot of tears and some very big tantrums. That's been the challenge.





The blessing is that my daughter and I have grown so close. She trusts me implicitly to look after her best interests (even when I've had to be the one inflicting the pain!!) As a result I think we are so much closer than we would have been ordinarily. Some other blessings have been to watch her conquer something that would be challenging to most adults and still carry herself beautifully. Through all this she has still been a caring friend to her mates and shown concern for me as I struggled with caring for her, work and my life.





The personal blessings for me have been innumerable. Feeling the love of my close friends, especially Lou. Realising I had strengths I didn't think I had. A breakthrough in the way I've used my creative life to deal with the stress and the resulting work I've produced. A renewed sense of self. The list goes on and on.

I've included a pair of shoe inserts I painted before all this kerfuffle happened. I'm hoping to upload some other work I've done since in the next day or so I have a record of the change in my practices.

In the last weeks I've also been sewing clothes, making brooches, making stuffed toys (or softies as I've found out they are now called!!) and renewing some old clothes that needed changing. That's all happened between tears and exhaustion.

Life is definitely interesting!!

Nearly Spring.....?

It's nearly spring and I've lost the winter. New job, child in pain, some heavy therapy and not much art being done. Some sewing - I'm obsessed with clothes at the moment. I haven't had much time in the last 15 years to look after myself and my appearance and over the winter I've gone crazy re-inventing myself as a softer more feminine version of me. Suddenly my wardrobe is full of dresses and skirts and high heel shoes. The first time I have had these items in my wardrobe in all my 44 years. I'm liking it too. I made a commitment to dress this way and have kept it up for a few months. Now I actually feel more comfortable in these clothes than my jeans and t-shirts.

Who knows maybe spring will bring with it more than flowers in the garden. I'm getting myself ready to allow some love into my life, a hard thing to do after rejecting it for so long but I hope all the work I'm doing will pay off and I'll find the love I want and need.

My friends have been great over the last few weeks, supportive and caring and loving. I am lucky to have so much friendship and the love that comes with it but I'm ready for a special man to stand beside me. So I'm sending my wish out to the universe xxxxxxxxxxx

Here is a picture of my poor child starting a journey of her own. Her pain is almost unbearable and her neediness is almost overwhelming but the steps had to be taken. Luckily she is strong and independent enough for this to scar her only physically. The hard work I've done with her has certainly paid off - my turn now!!!

Six Weeks

Wow, what a time I've had the last six weeks. My friend died shortly after my last post, in fact a couple of days. Since then I've been on an emotional rollercoaster because her death brought up so much deep grief. I haven't stopped creating but most of my time has been spent journalling and working through what has been presenting itself to me. I feel better today than I have felt for years, I feel like I'm on a new path in my life and this is mostly the result of Cheryl's influence. She taught me so much in the last days of her life and I'm sure she'd be glad that things are happening this way for me. No photos to add today because I'm too lazy to upload them but maybe next time.

Life Is Good

I am constantly amazed by the world I live in. I am sitting in a friends apartment at Manly watching the world in all it's glory. There are people surfing, drinking coffee, jogging and walking, playing in the playground, holding hands and laughing and somewhere out there are whales passing by heading north, dolphins, sharks and fish. The water is so clear you can see right through the waves as they break. The sun is shining and all is well in the world.

I am here with my gorgeous friend who is enjoying her last days on earth surrounded by friends and all that is beautiful in the world. I am so priveledged that she wants me to be with her at this time and I am learning so much about life and about me and about the people I choose to have in my life.

If you're reading this please send out a quick prayer or thought that all people may today enjoy what they do have and not focus on lifes problems. Life is good right now. XXX

Dreams

I've been having dreams that are very vivid lately. I know lots of people interpret dreams and find meanings and answers in them. Maybe dreams are gods answers to my questions? I don't know but these dreams are so relevant and so real I've taken to trying to interpret them myself.

So here's the latest series: A boy I have a crush on is in them.(I know, I know, I'm a 43 year old woman and 'the boy' is a 51 year old man but in regards to relationships I feel like a teenager!!) He's on a ferry and I'm on the wharf trying to tell him something but he can't hear me. I keep trying to tell him something (maybe that I like him!!) but he just can't hear. Last night in this dream he actually jumped off the ferry and swam over to me. Oh bliss, he swam over to me!!

Now that series of dreams is pretty easy to interpret, the problem lies in me trying to tell 'the boy' that I like him in real life. "Easy, just do it!" you may say but my fearful little heart is finding it impossible. So I've written him a letter........but I haven't sent it. It's not that I don't want to it's just the fear of his response is overwhelming.

Herein lies the problem: I don't tell him and I don't send the letter and he drifts away on his ferry and stops at another wharf (the horror!!) or

I either tell him or send the letter and he rejects me or (dream comes true) swims towards me.

Oh the pain and suffering I can inflict upon myself!!!! Option 3 is put my head in the sand, keep doing my artwork and pretend I don't care.

I need some serious help!!

The Final Week

Well its the last week of my holidays and I've had a great break. Lots of eating out and relaxing, not much around the house type work but plenty of art work.

Last week I bought myself an opal ring. A beautiful crystal opal that flashes full colour in the merest hint of light. I bought to remind myself that I am OK. Every time I look at it I remind myself that I am loved by my friends and family. I can often get down about being single and being 43 but when I remind myself of all the love I have in my life it becomes less important to have a partner right now.

I am a lucky girl!!!!

Monday, monday.....

I have had a week of extemes. Today I took my daughter to the Children's Hospital and finally after 4 years we have been given a date for her operation. Well, an approximate date, in about 5 to 7 weeks. But its closer than 'come back in 6 months'.

I've had two of my 3 weeks off and have done lots of art work and even managed to get my friends ear cast in silver - that process took over 6 months to get to this stage. He had his ear bitten off 20 years ago and I'm making him a silver replacement. So far it looks great but I won't post photos til it's finished.

I've also been supporting a friend who is in end stage liver cancer. That's been hard but a few of us are supporting each other to make the last weeks of her life full of love, laughter and friendship. Who could want more than to be surrounded by love and loved ones. Thats what I would want.

That's all for today. More photos soon.

Time Flies

My how time flies. A week passed already, but I have been busy.

Here's the inside of my previously posted shrine.

And here are a couple more I've done this week too!!

I'm working on a couple more at the same time. This space away from working has allowed me to really look at how I fill my life and what gives me sanity when all around seems in chaos. Having a teenage daughter, work and other commitments really means I have little time to be me. Doing this kind of art work for no reason but my own pleasure is a way I can fill up my heart and make all the rest in my life possible.

I read something that made me think last week. I am the sole companion I will have in every waking moment of my life. Scary thought when I look at how I spend my time and if I'm good company for myself. So I've decided to be nicer to me!!

A Week Later

Its amazing how much can happen in a week. Since my last post I've been offered a new job, resigned from my old job and left and am now on holidays!! I've decided to deicate my holidays to my creative life. Since finding Michael de Meng's work I've been obsessed!! I want to make shrines. Shrines to my life, shrines to love, shrines to remind me to live to the max. So here's my first one. I finished it in about 24 hours and used junk I have had lying around, some of it for years, waiting for the right piece to put it on.

I used an old mantle clock I found in the back lane, some little cherub dolls I bought, a couple of old spoons that I glued heart shaped turquoises onto, an old key that I glued an eye behind, a fossil (down the bottom), matchsticks and paint. And I had FUN!!!!!

I have two and a half more weeks of holidays so I hope I can make heaps more. I'll let you know. xx

The Lodge

In answer to Messyfish's comment: For the last 2 years I've been working at a place called Edward Eagar Lodge. A homeless shelter for men and women that's situated on Bourke Street at Taylor Square (one of Sydney's less salubrious areas). It's a 5 storey, 76 bed, 24 hour facility. We also have a day centre where people who 'sleep rough' or live in boarding houses etc can come and have a shower, do their washing and eat a hot meal. As some people say 'it's a step below Matthew Talbot' and if you know Matthew Talbot you can probably picture what it might be like.

Police raids, drug overdoses, fights, psychoses, suicides, verbal and physical abuse are all in a days work there. But, as happened to me today, so is a client telling you they love you, signing a tattered card and giving it to me for my birthday, designing a tattoo just for me, sharing their half eaten pastry, giving me a ratty old bracelet and telling me they made it just for me and smiling a toothless smile.

I really am going to miss the place but I have an absolute storehouse of stories. My friend Lou at Pearshaped said I should write some of these stories down. I have a huge number of photos and some sketches but I know the memories will fade so I might just do that.

Now I'm moving on to a service that helps people with mental illness in their own communities. I really enjoy working with mental illness and will probably continue doing so for quite a while I'd say. Those people are much more interesting than plants!!

Hallelujah!!!

Today I resigned from my job and in three weeks I start a new one at Bondi Beach. What a sea change, from Taylor Square to the golden sands of Bondi. I'll miss my old clients and the maddness of the Lodge but I have a whole new set of clients at the beach.

Today, just to top off my final week at the Lodge we had a giant police raid. They were looking for four 'armed and dangerous' prison escapees. There were police everywhere acting on a tip off but no escapees to be found!! I hope thats the highlight of my week - I can do without adding to my memory bank of "Things That Happened at The Lodge".

God bless Sydney's homeless!! I love them all (or at least some of them).

Today

Today was an excellent day for a sickie. This is what I did after this mornings internet session.








Knitted a chunky scarf.




















Noticed the colours of the harbour.










Thanked god for where I live and all the love and beauty in my life. (And prayed he'd send me a boat like this one day.)

Inspiration

I took a 'sickie' from work today. A 'mental' and 'artistic' health day. I've been zooming around the internet all morning and have found some fantastic inspiration. This quote has really got me: Katherine Mansfield said, “Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself, face the truth.” It's from this wonderful site . What a treasure for all of us who want to play and be courageous.

Keri Smith is an absolute gem. You might all know her already but she is new to me and I LOVE HER!! So many cool and wacky ways to get creative.

I am sailing....I am sailing....

I went sailing on Pittwater today with my Salty Sea Dog, Lonnie from Texas. The man knows everything there is to know about sailing and he's taught me sooooo much. Luckily there was some wind as the last two times we've been out there has been nothing and we've just drifted around Scotland Island for hours on end. But today we were howling, the boat was tipped to an alarming angle and at one stage I nearly sent Lonnie flying when a gust came up unexpectedly. I always fantasise about sailing around some exotic location when I'm on Pittwater but really it's as exotic as anywhere else in the world up there.

Often my eyes are closed to the beauty right in front of me.

TGIF

Thank god!!! I find it very hard to front up to work when my head is already out the door. I walked out on the boss today because I took offense to something he said. Very childish but I find it almost impossible to control my child like responses sometimes!

I bought a new book today 'Secrets of Rusty Things' by Michael de Meng. http://www.michaeldemeng.com/ I LOVE THIS STUFF !!

I love found object art, i also love outsider art. I'm trying to figure out how to get some lists etc up here so I can share my interests with my 2 friends!

Some tables and urns.

This little chicky is one of my favourites. I do love him. He sits next to my front door to greet visitors. He is a happy chappy.

So here are some of the things I've made out of recycled goodies. I'm sure I have some photos of tables. I'll try to find them. The fish are done on the inside of a bird bath. That sold before I'd barely unloaded it at a spring fair I was invited to attend.

Here is a photo of the type of work I have been doing for the last few (4-5) years. It's mosaic made from old plates cups mirrors brooches tiles in fact anything I can find. For years my garage has been full of junk. Mostly roadside finds but also hand-me rounds.

I have had a 'thing' with hearts for a while. It grows from my wanting to live with love in all areas of my life. I'm trying to practise love in my interactions with everyone I come across. Not so easy as I work in a homeless shelter in the city and regularly get told to "get f@#%ked" on a daily basis!!

Anyway, this type of mosaic satisfies my need to recycle as well as turning often ugly old china into something a bit more beautiful. (Well I think so anyway!!) I have made tables, standard lamps, wall plaques, pots as well as photo frames and anything else I can get my hands on...

I have lots of other mosaic photos that I might upload too.

Hello Lou!!

Sunday, sunday

It's after 8 on sunday night and I have only one day of my holidays left.

Today I finished two pieces of silver work that have been waiting patiently on my bench. I wore them out tonight and someone across the room noticed them and commented. Often thats all I need to kick start a new run on my creativity. I have two paintings that I started about a week ago that I might do some more work on tonight.

My daughter is away for the night and the dog is asleep. Perfect night for some doodling.

I might try to upload some photos. This is all so new and I really lack patience in learning new computer skills, give me a new craft skill and I'm all over it but this...........?

Day Two

What I did today....... coffee, talk, coffee, talk, dinner, talk, coffee, talk, interspersed with internet backgammon.

Are you still reading this?

Hello?

U there?

Day One Entry One

This makes me feel important like people might actually be interested in what I have to say. You never know it may get interesting. I suppose what I want to do is put it out there about me. Who I am and what I think about and you never know........ If you find it interesting good luck to you.

This is kind of like making my small part of history, 21st century publishing. I just hope I have enough to say so that it doesn't bore me to tears or anyone who stumbles over it.

Lets see where it goes.............